How to Artfully Escape Conversations
We’ve all been there…. you’re going along minding your business and then you’re trapped in a conversation you don’t want to be in.
Maybe at the gym, at the coffeeshop, or on an airplane a stranger pegged you and wanted to talk, talk, talk. About what you’re reading, what they do, why they’re traveling, comments on your squat form or questions about your exercise routines.
Or perhaps a scheduled meeting runs over the allotted time. Everyone’s ready to leave except for that one person who didn’t get the memo and just. keeps. talking.
You’re a polite person, so instead of running screaming out of the room, you listen, nodding, eyebrows raised, body turned towards the door, waiting for them to hopefully run out of words sooner than later.
Here’s how to get out of these tricky situation with grace.
Don’t assume your boundary will be read as rude.
I don’t think folks want to inconvenience others — we’re all humans and looking to connect in meaningful ways.
Extroverted folks talk quite a bit by nature. In my experience, they’re typically aware they’re chatty, and are open to being interrupted in casual conversations.
I’ve found that folks who are neurodivergent and don’t pick up on social cues appreciate straightforward verbal communication. Ahh, clear expectations!
There are a ton of situations we could look at, but in general, if you’re kind and frank when stepping away from a conversation, the likelihood you’ll be seen as rude are fairly low. In fact, for many folks, it’s incredibly refreshing to have someone be straight up about where they’re at and what they need!
Don’t say what you don’t mean.
Women are conditioned to brush off inconveniences from others. “oh no, it’s totally fine.” you say, while you’re counting how late this unending conversation is going to make you.
Or “Right right — I can talk with you now” while you’re counting how many hours you’ll have to work over the weekend to make up for the time you’d reserved for deep work.
If you can cut off an unwanted conversation before it gets off the ground, all the better. Use a door sign, Do Not Disturb settings, and keep your electronic calendar updated so your time boundaries are nonnegotiable!
Instead of ‘Oh, it’s fine’ try “I’d love to talk to you, but now’s not a good time. I can circle back on Friday at noon?”
Instead of “Oh sure I can talk now” try “Thanks for dropping by! My schedule’s tight today, and I need to prepare for a client call — why don’t you shoot me an email with a couple times that work for you and we can get something on the books?”
Use the Artful Boundaries Formula:
Gratitude/positive aspect + nope! + alternative = escape artist!
Stuff happens. We’re bumping into each other throughout the day, and each of us has different schedules, obligations, and priorities. Use the Artful Boundaries Formula to set a polite and kind escape route.
With someone interrupting your workout a the gym you might say: “Good talking to you — I’ve got to hit my workout pretty quickly today, so I’m going to go. Enjoy your workout, bye!”
If a coworker has stopped by your office and you’ve got actual work to be doing, you might say “Great to catch up! I’m on deadline and really need to focus. Let’s talk later this week when I’m not distracted by [x project].”
Or, if there’s a meeting that can’t seem to wrap up, you might try: “We’ve covered everything we needed to today. I need to head out/get back to my desk/get to another meeting. Shoot me an email if we’ve missed something.”
Or, “Just to confirm, our next steps are x, y, and z. Let’s check in at [insert time option here].”
Say you’re on the phone and need to get on with your day, you could try: “I’m sorry to interrupt — it’s lovely to catch up, and I need to get going. When would be good for you to get together in person? [or] Can I call you back next week?”
By way of example:
My life involves a fair amount of networking, and I occasionally will set meetings back to back at a coffee shop. Typically, when the scheduled time for one is over, or when the next person shows up, the first person leaves.
Or so I thought.
Until one day when I ended up spending 2.5 hours at a waste of a meeting because the first person couldn’t read the room and would not leave.
To be fair, my politeness kicked in: “Oh, it’s fine! We can all chat!” While I was absolutely FUMING internally at the rudeness of this person who overstayed their welcome.
If I could go back and do that meeting over again, I would’ve said: “Well, it was great to hear more about your business [first person] — I know you and [second person] are friendly, but I’ve not been able to get a one on one with them for months, so we’re going to do that now. Have a great afternoon!”